Death has a peculiar way of appearing in our lives.
A few days ago a friend of mine who used to read this blog died.
Although we would only see each other twice a year, we used to exchange a lot of e-mails about movies.
And we was also helpful in some tough times.

Today I visited my mother and she told me she thinks she's going to die soon.
And she grabbed my hand and confessed "I don't want to die yet."
It was a heartbreaking moment.
my eyes got full of tears.
It was such an honest moment,
such a human moment.
It was life and human emotions at its most basic and true.
yes, I hate how death creeps on our lives.
always there.
not spoken.

it was good seeing you again.
I used to think you were the one.
but not anymore.
I used to want you so badly,
to get hard just watching you
come into a room.
the sex we shared.
if only for a few times.
it was good, or at least I imagine it was
in some part of my brain.
but now it's all calm.
it's just two people
sharing a story,
a laugh,
some dinner.
I liked seeing you again.
no kidding.
I loved it.

today I took a newspaper
to a neighborhood
coffee house.
read it.
and the waitress brought me
the best coffee I have had in a long time.
and I looked around me.
and for a moment realized
this was a good moment.
(then I went back to my coffee)
it was damn good.

found an old letter
the other day.
back from a time when letters were written by hand.
it was from B.
it was a friendly letter thanking me
for having been so nice.
it was a simple letter full of warm wishes
for the future.
wow,how I wished it would have been more than that.
there was a promise to keep writing.
but I knew very well that wasn't going to happen
although I'm pretty sure I answered.
I am a bit of a fool like that.
Anyway, I wasn't sure what to do about that letter.
Throw it away?
no, I didn't.
I saved it.
I placed it back in the envelope
very carefully.
and back to the drawer it went.
with its contents full of "how are u?"s.
and "it was so much fun".
maybe in a few years I'll read it again.
I am a bit of a fool like that.

uneventful is good.
it means nothing much dramatic happened.
and that's what I like to hear these days.
a few walks, a few photos,
a couple of glasses of wine with
friends.
nothing to write home about.
(but that's fine)
that's fine.

I feel like writing.
there were times
when I felt like that because I was down.
and needed some sort of release.
but not tonight,
I feel like writing
just because I do.

the streets are filled with sounds.
laughs, loud talk, some music.
a group having a fine time, I guess.
strangely the noise doesn't bother me tonight.
I have my music here.
an old tune about
falling in love.
Who knows how long I've loved you,
you know I love you still....

coffee before the sun comes out.
silence in the streets.
morning breeze hits my skin.

walking today
i stopped and looked at my reflection
in a store window.
kind of interesting
to do a simple thing like that.
I've done that before
and not like what I saw.
But today
I looked just for a second.
And thought it was ok.
I kind of like that guy.

waited for her at the cafe.
it was a quiet morning.
just a couple of people
looking at their cellphones
were there.
an old man who seems to spend his whole day
sitting there, was reading a newspaper.
the morning breeze was cooler than usual.
I looked at the distance
and she was walking my way.

new year

I've thought of what to do about the blog and starting today I will post here more often. I had stop because writing had stopped being fun. Since my work consisted of writing, it was hard for me to write in my free time. I would rather do other things such as take photos. But now I have more free time. So here I go in this new adventure.