Trying so hard

doesn't  cut it.

Makes it clumsy and weird.

So let's try this other way.

And see what happens.

ya no lo peleo como antes.
ni me torturo.
dejo que sea lo que sea.
y poco a poco
las cosas van mejor.
no vale la pena
pelear contra las cosas.
dejarse llevar
tiene su mérito.
y tiene su valentía.

For a few seconds last night I had no control over anything.
Nature would decide everything.
life. death.
it was up to forces beyond any human reach.
today I woke up with headache.
had some coffee and it went away.
But not the feeling of those few seconds.
it never does, you know.

two shots

do not think.
just go.
and enjoy if you can.
that's it.

well on Tuesday I will try again.
give it another shot.
Telling myself
not too stress myself.
or put too much pressure on me.
see what happens.
if it goes right, great.
if it doesn't,
it's okay.
and that's it.
simple.

Comienza otro año.
Y aquí con mi blog secreto.
Nunca seguro de que hacer en él.
Escribir mi diario.
Poemas.
Poner fotos sexuales.
un poco de todo, me imagino.
y eso seguiré haciendo.
aunque nadie pase por él.

had as short episode today.
but I'm fine now.
it's o.k.

Having my coffee

Looking at old messages.

Revisiting a year tha's coming to an end.

Still the same old me or has something changed?

Maybe to both.

I feel freer.

That's for sure.

Less concerned with what others think.

But the anxiety comes in once in a while.

When it happens I fill my head with thoughts of thankfulness, with thoughts of family and friends, and it eases away.

Fill your head with good things.

Your body too.

Merry christmas.

a middle age man with morning wood.
that's it.
morning.
am.
mañana.
early.
temprano.
it lasted
very little.
got soft.
limp.

there's a silence tonight.
unusual.
just the sounds of crickets.
and in the distance, is that a wave crashing?

I have a new camera.
practicing with it.
I feel good behind the lens now.
I feel more sure of myself.
capturing a moment
here and there.
an instant.
and I shot it.