feeling relaxed.
feeling good. calm.
(content)
yes.

I knew it.

I've lost my love fot it.

Just realized that.

But deep inside i've known about it.

It's ok.

Actually I feel great.

That should tell me something. I 

A smile.
A song.
Thoughts rushing.

She made me smile
when we talked at noon.
I want her
but it's no use.
In the what if world,
she's tops.
But I know where to dare
and where I should not.
She made me feel good
for a few minutes.
Which is not bad
in reality
and in my dreams.

This will not matter tomorrow.
Not at all.

Salsa music on the speaker.
Coffee next to me.
Forgot to put sugar in it.
I am drinking it like this.

A photo of this moment.
Only in my mind.
Ok.
There.

Sorry for being like this.
For treating so badly.
I am sorry.
Will you forgive me?
(I do, i do)

Waking up.
Everything is quiet.
My mind is not.

Stop it.
Stop.
Make it go away.
Laugh.
Laugh.
Smile.
It's funny.
It is.

You can't hold two thoughts in your mind at the same time.
So why not block the negative thoughts by filling your head with happy ones?
Is is that easy?
Maybe it is.
Maybe.

Smiling through it all.
Maybe that's the way to go about it.
(Like that)

This

The sun was sort of shining and I could peek it through the curtains.
I was ready for the day.
Kind of smiling.
And my cock was hard.
I stroked it a bit, but that was that.
And I said to myself,
This is it.
This is all.
No sort of.
No kind of.
This sun. This cock. This day.

Move slowly.
That slow. Yes.
That slow.

Hasta que un día me de cuenta que soy un tonto que no supo hacer lo que debió haber hecho.

The fears are always there, you see.
Best you can do is make them go away.
Tell them to go to hell,
Or to a place far away from my mind.
Which is a place i have yet to find.

Shhhhh

Silencio.
Bueno quizás no completo.
Pero casi sí.
Mi respiración.
Mis pensamientos.
Al menos hoy no son auto destructivos.
Son sólo palabras sueltas.
Y eso es algo, no?

sigo
camino.
y no peleo.
(no lo hago)

lo mira como
quien ya aburre.
el perro pasa por el lado
y parece que huele algo.
la mesera con el cabello corto
me sonríe.
hace calor
y tengo deseos de una batida.
el viejito que siempre se sienta en el mismo lugar
trata de hablar con la cuarentona
de mil cirugías.
la mesera me pregunta que quiero
y le digo.
le miro las nalgas un poco al alejarse.
se nubla el cielo.
y ya son las nueve de la mañana.

just me, you know.
it's just the one
that was too scared
when it was time to
make a decision.
but that's long gone.
it is.
you know.

hay momentos es que estar aquí es fuerte.
y me voy hacia atrás
o me adelanto a todo.
pero cada vez más
trato de pensar
que el ahora es todo lo que tengo.
lo que tenemos.
todo lo demás es cuento.

me gusta así.
tranquilo.
sólo mi café.
sólo
sólo.
solo.

escucho mucho.
en la calle.
dentro de mi.
sonidos y palabras
o lo que parecen ser palabras.
todo me dice que siga adelante.

reflection

can't even handle two glasses of wine.
feeling tired.
amazing.

soft music.
my hands.
a thought of you.

what am I to you?
(sometimes I don't know)
and sometimes I wonder whether
I would really like to know.

a few minutes more.
that's it.
the wait is not so long
if I put it like that.
just a few minutes.
they will go by fast.
(I think)
maybe it's me.

I cum on my hand.
I cum on my dreams.
my fears.
I cum on my belly
I cum on my future
my past.
I shoot a load
of sticky cum
on it all.
and lick it if I have to.

Fear is everywhere.
the thing is to look the other way.
there is a choice.
and I was making the wrong one.
there is beauty everywhere.
and I was looking the other way.

it doesn't mean that much now.
I don't look back.
I am where I am.
and that's all.
and I'm fine.
(maybe even a bit more than fine).